I recently wrote a post about therapeutic spanking in which I went into some of the evidence that being spanked can have a beneficial approach, when done consensually and in the right context. In this post, I’m going to delve into a type of spanking that I believe is quite closely related; consensual disciplinary spankings.
With a quick google search, it’s possible to find a number of people, myself included, offering discipline. Websites of disciplinarians sometimes use terms like behaviour modification, life-coaching, and consensual discipline. Some examples are Alice Morningstar and Georgia Cane, who were featured in the Buzzfeed video I linked to in my therapeutic spanking post.
So it’s clear that disciplinarians exist and I know myself that many people go to them to be spanked, but does it work? The answer isn’t a simple yes or no, because like therapeutic spankings, it also depends on the context and how the discipline is applied. In other words, giving an effective disciplinary spanking takes skills that go beyond knowing how to safely use the implements.
First, let’s look at the conditions under which spanking doesn’t work or makes things worse. There’s a really interesting contradiction here. While many fantasies involve the spanker asserting their will over the spankee (cf. the very strange tale of the ‘female disciplinary manual’), real non-consensual spankings simply don’t work and are in fact, harmful. There’s quite a lot of research literature to back up that assertion, with non-consensual spanking linked to a range of negative mental health outcomes. The traditional theory of corporal as a form of operant conditioning is nonsense because it results in unmanaged trauma and increases anti-social behaviour. To put it simply, correcting people by traumatising them results in worsened mental health and exacerbates negative behaviours.
So how can discipline spankings be used positively? In my opinion, consensual discipline works best when it’s used as a tool to access the spankee’s feelings and explore their emotional needs rather than by trying to create negative associations or motivate the spankee to avoid further punishment. As I discussed in the therapeutic spanking post, discipline can be a highly cathartic experience. By building the intensity, it can be used to coax the spankee into a state of mind where they’re focused very much in the present moment. In a way, it’s a far gentler version of what happens when memories can be accidentally and negatively distorted or reinterpreted during extreme situations. More positively, practices like primal therapy use a gentler, more controlled version of the same psychological to help people access unresolved emotions. As memories, associations and attitudes become motile, we become suggestible. If that access and motility is used to explore the fears, anxieties and frustrations that underlie a particular negative behaviour, we can weaken the connection between the negative and unresolved feelings and the compulsions to behave in ways that ultimately do us no good.
In my experience, this process can affect positive change. As I wrote in my post about why I became a disciplinarian in the first place, I’ve spanked multiple people for whom the experience has helped them make a number of improvements in both their personal and professional lives.
There are a couple of notes of caution here. Firstly, if you’re looking for discipline, it’s important to be careful who you trust to do it. Consensual, responsible disciplinary spanking can really help, but they do involve a level of emotional vulnerability. If done with inadequate care, effects can be the opposite of what’s intended. Secondly, spanking will not fix a negative behaviour like procrastination, overindulgence, or recklessness overnight. It can be used as a way to help with the process of addressing underlying issues, but does not replace that hard emotional work of self-improvement.
That said, the pitfalls are relatively easy to avoid if both you and your disciplinarian are clear about what you’re trying to achieve. All it takes is a little patience, trust and empathy, and a desire to make progress.
Disclaimer:
Dr David is a real doctor but doesn’t have any qualifications in psychology, psychotherapy or mental health. The information in this blog post is purely opinion and not intended to replace real medical advice. If you’re struggling with mental health issues, please see a medical professional.
